I love that. When we have social events, I am much younger than everyone in attendance. My neighbors discuss how many miles they have walked this week and who makes the most comfortable shoes. They share old war stories, like from WWII, and laugh about how they tried Facebook for a while. These people are hilarious. They aren't trying to impress you or win you over or make you envious. It is a whole different world here.
I live in a retirement community, now that isn't to say that there are not young people here like us, there are. They are just as smart as we were to buy property in this neighborhood. People take care of their yards and walk their pets. They want to know which tree you are cutting down and why. They are involved and loving and interesting. Most of them have moved to the south after retiring from up north but have learned the rules quickly. They share love by placing toys in my mailbox for my children and pick up my mailbox sign after a storm. They drop by pound cake and a smile. I have met the sweetest and most sincere people of my life by simply living in this neighborhood.
When I see them and we swap stories, I tend to tell the stories my father or grandmother told me. This is what I have in common with them. We talk about Vietnam and presidents, travel and wine. I have more in common with them than I thought. I have to admit that when I bought a house here I was not sure if I would ever feel like I had anything in common with someone in their 60s.But we have more in common then I ever thought and I no longer have to revert back to my childhood days or parental war stories just to have something to discuss.
Most recently we met a couple that is in their 80s. He still swims the width of the lake when the weather is warm. She is from Germany and he is from Italy. He liked her for so long and she wouldn't give him the time of day. This went on for years until she finally said yes to a date and now they have been marred for over 60 years. I asked him what the secret was to a happy marriage and he responded 'fight.'. "Fight everyday if you have to, but never give up."
Of course this brought me immediately back to my 'Notebook" days of," I'm not afraid to tell you what a pain in the ass you are." One of the best love story lines of all time and after 5 years of marriage, I believe this to be true. I am not afraid to tell my husband when he isn't making me happy or when he is being rude. And he isn't afraid to tell me when I am being a jerk. Does this mean I want a divorce? No, absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with expressing your unhappiness with someone. Most of the time they don't even know you are sad or disappointed or upset. Men and women are programmed very differently and it takes a long time to be okay with that, but be okay with it. Open your mouth and say what needs to be said. It's so amazing that we have the ability to express ourselves to strangers but freeze at expressing our feelings to our spouse. As women, we just think they should know why we are being quiet or giving the cold shoulder, but they don't always know. So, fight. Fight for them and for you and for your kids (if you have any).
Fight and fight and fight! If you don't fight, someone else will.
Life is too short and too fragile to be so vain as to think there is a tomorrow and another chance. There may not be. Today is the day to make your voice heard, to vocally state what you want and to fight. You can't wonder 'what if'. That is a prison that I wish upon no one. It will hold you captive and your voice will never be heard again. You will become a 'what if' in this world of cynicism and skepticism and you will be another member of the what ifs club.
I think its important to learn from those that came before us, to ask questions and seek answers. They have been there and they understand love and loss and life. Sometimes we think we know which way to best direct our lives and that we have all the answers.
We don't. You don't and I don't. And to be honest they probably don't either.
We just make decisions based on the information we have available at the time. And learning how to see beyond the horizon, well that takes time and years and wisdom. So, do the best you can with what you know. Fight and be fought for. Make sure you never ever say "What if." One day you will be telling how you survived 60+ years of marriage to young folks and you will be wearing these shoes as you tell your story. I know this because these are mine and I stole this look from my neighbors . I just wanted to fit in.
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