This Moment

None of us truly lives for ourselves. You can't. Unless you are alone stranded on some island, most of the things you do each day is for other people. When you were growing up, you attended school because your parents made you. It was for them. Then when you went to college it was for your future self, still not for you at this moment in time. Now, who are you living for? Family, friends, co-workers, perhaps still your future self? None of us truly lives for ourselves. What I mean by this is that each moment that passes, each day that was spent thinking, worrying or focusing on something other than our own happiness is a day wasted. And how many days have we already wasted? Of course we can't be 'happy.' We are too busy dealing with so many other aspects of life. We work tirelessly to keep everyone around us warm and safe and happy that we forget we have to make sure we are living for ourselves too. But how do you do that in such a connected, over sensitized world with very little emphasis on each passing special moment?

I feel like each day of my life flies by and I have no idea what happened. All I can do is focus on what needs to get done the next day. And so many people will tell you, "Oh that is just having kids and a family." Maybe. But how do I break free from the cycle. That is what no one ever tells you. Even before we had kids, I was in this cycle. Get up, get ready, work, eat, bed. Now it's just a little harder doing this for 2 other people but it's still the same concept. So to make sure I am living, even if it's just for 5 minutes of the day, for myself then some changes need to be made. You can't walk around saying, " I wish things were different," but have no plan to change it.

Bye, Technology. And no, I can't throw my computer out the window, I need it so I can pay my bills! But I don't need all this crap on my phone that constantly shows me other people's life moments. I have no problem with Facebook and emails and instagram, etc and I will be the first to admit I am probably addicted. But that is was addiction does, it robs you of happiness. When you hear the word 'addiction' you probably think of alcoholics, drug addicts maybe over eaters. But all of us have addictions, some are just better at hiding them than others. When I am on my phone, I am missing my daughters discovering a new leaf, hugging, or simply just standing in the sunlight. When I am on my phone I am missing my husband walk in the door from work, arms wide open as his kids rush to his arms with excitement. I miss clever and witty things Mattie says and I miss that mischievous smile of Gigi's. All because I was on my phone. I need a phone to call people and for people to call me. Even if I have to go to Wal-Mart and sign up for a Jitterbug. And I heard a long time ago, before I was even born a man invented a camera that takes pretty good pictures. I am missing life, my life that I am trying to live for and it's my fault I am missing it. I can check Facebook and instagram later at night on a computer like we used to do way back in 2005. But time, THIS time is fleeting and I am missing so many moments.

I have to get off the couch. My name is Alison and I addicted to the couch. It's driving my husband nuts anyway. He got off the couch about 6 weeks ago and started running again. I say again because before we were married with kids, my husband and I ran together. We really enjoyed it. We had goals of 5Ks and 10Ks and I think we both did a 5K at some point but then we just stopped. I know how hard it is to just want to lay down and watch a good show and that is fine from time to time, but it has become my second job. Anything you can do for 5-6 hours straight is your second job. Plus my husband may leave me if I don't end this relationship. But I do love you couch, I promise it's not you, it's me.

Perspective- I need perspective. I don't know what the opposite of this word is. Let's call it un-perspective. I need to be able to handle disappointments and set backs a little better. I need to be able to dust myself off, say "Oh well that sucked," and move on. I can't do this. I am addicted to un-perspective. I need to dwell on things that went wrong. I need to focus on those things for days. I need those unhappy events to linger in my mind constantly robbing my present moments of happiness. Sounds crazy, right? Yes it is but I honestly don't' know any other way except to be more aware of this when it happens and make a conscious effort to move on. Maybe this is just a woman thing. I hope so, otherwise I seriously might be crazy.

I may try eating more salads. I'm not going to take this one too serious. It's just a suggestion for now. I live in the south, so salads around here are only served with biscuits and gray.

I know this may sounds like a New Years resolution and maybe it is in some ways, but why wait until New Years to try and change your life today? I want to be in each moment more. I want to look back at my life and actually remember events and details, not Kim and Kanyes break-up (cause you do know that is coming, right?). I think it's really difficult to live in this world today and try to focus on your life and happiness with so many distractions that have been incorporated. But if I could choose this life or being stranded on an island alone where all I had to do was focus on my self and happiness, I would choose this life any day. Besides, I doubt they have couches on an island.

Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy.