As we approach Mother's Day, I began reminiscing about the last 4 years. Before I became a parent, I really thought it was going to be all sunshine and roses. It would be hugs and kisses and lots of love and fun. We would go on play dates and I would make friends with other mommies and we could offer support and encouragement. I was going to be the world's greatest mom and have a mug to show it. Then I became exhausted and overwhelmed by being a mother. I also learned other moms are sometimes the worst judges and actually make you feel bad about parenting. So in reality, I am more like this mom....
So...what went wrong and why?
First, I learned to be tough. If I am not tough then they are not tough and setting boundaries is of utmost importance to me. My kids know they are not in charge and that there are consequences to their actions. Is that easy? No, It's hard. It's just about the hardest thing I have ever done. Why won't they just act right? Because they are kids and doing the wrong thing is ingrained in them from birth. It's our job as the parent to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them and there is a difference between right and wrong. This is not a blog entry about spanking vs not spanking but I do spank my children. It's not because I am out of other options or frustrated, Dr. Phil. I do not spank them frequently and it's mostly because they have just done something dangerous or disrespectful. They have crossed the line from nice mom to crazy mom. Maybe they will be in therapy one day explaining how I spanked them and it ruined their lives but I had rather them be on a plush burgundy couch then in a cold prison cell. I take this part of my job very seriously and I will one day be mortified to learn they have disrespected a teacher or bullied another student and they will get 'worn out' should this ever occur. Some things are just unacceptable!
They have chores and responsibilities and if they don't complete those, they are punished. I expect my kids to do what is asked of them as early as the age of 2. Crazy wish, huh? But I do try and teach them to clean and take care of the items that have been purchased for them. They know if they break their favorite toy in a fit of anger one day, another one will not be purchased. Too bad, so sad. Again there are consequences to every action.
I expect a lot out of my kids because I believe if you have high standards they will meet those just as if you have low ones. I expect them to be their best and give their best everyday. And if that is being a tough mom, then I am glad I am a tough mom. Some days are challenging and some days I want to hop in my car, drive to Vegas and change my name to Candy Land.
My point is it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to not have a sparkling clean house with all the laundry folded and color coded in everyone's drawer. I never have my laundry done, its a never ending task at my house and I hate it more than anything else on earth. What I am doing here is shaping and creating two people that will go out into the world and make it better or worse. When you stop to think about it you realize what a huge responsibly it truly is. I yell and I get fed up and I need a break, I'm human. And those other 'perfect' moms are lying. Talk to the real ones for just five minutes and they will break down in tears and tell you the truth about how hard it really is to keep it all together.
But at the end of a long week, I look at those sweet kids and the way Mattie will help her sister off the ground when she falls and the way Gigi will jump in and help Mattie clean her room and I smile and I know I'm not doing so bad of a job, although I still don't have a mug to show it!
Happy Mother's Day Moms, Keep on Keeping on!
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