It recently dawned on me how much of my happiness is dependent on how much I am okay with me. Whenever I am mad or upset with me, I am unhappy. It's like when you get a promotion, you are happy because you take complete credit for such an accomplishment. That happened because YOU made it happen and you can feel good about you.
But what about those times when you don't feel like you measure up and never will. How do we fix that? Do you just continue to strive at being better? Making more money? Driving a better car or living in a better house?
Maybe you, like me focus a lot on being a better parent, like the best parent. And nothing you do will ever be good enough. You read articles about good parenting habits, you try to get your kids in bed at 7:30pm- yes success! I am enough! Well, maybe not, because they got back up at 10:00 and you watched Scooby-doo until midnight. Fail! Maybe you wish you had better hair or a better figure. No matter what you wish for or what you want to change its never going to be enough and it will never make you happy, because you will always find another fault.
I have been on this planet almost 38 years. And 1 thing I have learned is ME. I know all about me and I think once we embrace who we ARE TODAY we can be okay with it and stop trying to be everything we can't measure up to.
So this dear friends is for us. For those of us who finally need to be happy just being who we are.
1. I am never going to be athletic. I have tried. It's not in me. The most athletic thing I can do is run. It's like walking but faster and I've been doing that since I was 2 so I have that down. I don't have to be athletic, its not a big deal and I get a lot of pleasure from long walks and short runs followed my multiple dry heaving.
2. I am never going to have a filter- I say inappropriate things all the time. I don't take the time to process what I am going to say, my brain doesn't work that way. I make jokes at funerals because I am uncomfortable and I make one liner jokes to strangers that barely know me and don't think I am funny. I have to just embrace this about myself and hope I never get sucker punched.
3. I am never going to be the perfect mother- Ouch, this one hurts and its the one I am currently dealing with most. I can't remember to check their clipboards each day. I cleaned the house last week and found a bag Mattie was supposed to send a potato in 4 days earlier. I forget to brush their teeth in a rush and I feed them Ramen noodles when I don't want to cook. Hopefully when they are older they will still love me and want to spend time with me and if they don't then see rule 8.
4. I am never going to be good at laundry- I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't' know how to iron and we have clean clothes that I have no intention of ever folding and putting away. I don't think we even have enough hangers for all these clothes. My sister is very good at this one and she can't understand my hatred. She irons undershirts...UNDERSHIRTS!
5. I am never going to enjoy doing my hair- I don't think I have had a 'hairstyle' my entire life. My hair is straight. That's it. I hate to wash it cause it takes forever to dry. I would go weeks without washing if my husband didn't remind me by referring to me to "Stay Golden, Pony Boy." I love the cute girls on magazines and TV that have that perfect curled long hair. That will never be me and if it doesn't act right, I will be forced to cut it all off.
6. I am never going to stop biting my nails- Its an anxiety thing. I have done if for years. I can't stop now. My nails will never be pretty. I bought the stuff the tastes terrible to stop my habit.. I didn't' mind the taste. I spent money to get the fake ones, I bit those off too. Scruffy nail nubs is the life for me and I have to deal with it.
7. I will never be good at being an adult- I fear responsibility. I can't make hard decisions. I want to be Peter Pan forever. Its not fair to those that love me. I am sorry. But I am also a lot of fun so I feel its a good trade off to all concerned.
8. I will always enjoy a good stiff drink- There is something comfy about a glass of whiskey or warming about a glass of wine. I have tried to exercise instead or go for a walk. I took a long bath or wrote in a journal. Once I went almost an entire afternoon without it. Just kidding, it was like 2 weeks. By then I had forgotten why I was trying to quit. I don't smoke so cut me a break.
9 I will never enjoy reading- I don't enjoy this. I am envious of people that take a good book to the beach and get lost in it. Yes, I majored in English lit and I read a lot. But I read classics and I deciphered the language. I enjoy reading short autobiographies or how to build a sailboat manuscripts. I would rather read about the history of Wal- Mart than any best seller on the market. I just can't. Like my friend Chad Shrader used to say, "If its good, they will make a movie."
10.I will never be able to leave the south- I have left before and I hated it. I am southern through and through. I love the people here, the laid back atmosphere and of course the food. Our culture is one that is mocked and ridiculed and I get it. But its me and I love it and I am not making the mistake of leaving again. I am envious of people that live in NYC or other countries. That must be so amazing. But I am the crazy that people joke we bring out on the porch and flaunt around cause we don't try to hide our crazy in the south. And although this is a part of me I can't change. I wouldn't' change it even if I knew how.
Be okay with you today. Embrace the good and bad the nevers and always. Because at the end of the day we have no one to measure ourselves to. No one to hold the standard of a normal, perfect human being. Just keep on being you cause I think you are pretty great at it!
