Salty coffee and melted crayons

I think its really difficult to try and live in the moment when you have children. I often catch myself glancing at my husband across a pan of frozen lasagna and think how awesome it will be one day when the kids are grown and just he and I will be able to date again and focus on our lives. We will go to Paris and Hawaii and sleep in on Saturdays. I will let dishes pile up in the sink and make PJs my official uniform (okay, it already is).

Somedays being a parent is like being stuck in purgatory. You know you had a past, you can't really remember what it was like but at the same time you have no idea what the future holds. It's filled with days of pouring salt into your coffee because someone was playing on the counter and finding crayon has melted all over your dryer because someone had them in pockets. You just know you are ready to move beyond this. You are ready for kids to be able to brush their own teeth, to travel to a grocery store without having to spank your kids in front of total strangers because they are having a melt down for M&Ms but their dentist has already given you a guilt trip about a stain on a back tooth. At this point, humiliation in front of strangers is a fair trade off for having a great dental check up.

These are the days of parenting. It's exhausting and mentally straining. Most days I wish I could walk through my hallway without stepping on a toy and shouting out profanity as I look for the culprit that left Legos all over the floor. Yes, all of this and more are daily routines for parents. It's what we signed up for and it never lets you down. Just when you think your kids have finally learned the meaning of being a good sister, one runs in screaming because they were just hit in the head with a cup by the other. You sigh, you laugh a little, and you think, Lord, are these really my kids?

I had a professor in college whose wife had recently had a baby. And one day, during his lecture he stopped and said that he just needed to share with us the truth of parenthood. Obviously none of us or not many had children at this time. He then went on to say something I will never forget," Having a child is like having your heart leap from your chest then go for a walk in the world." I always thought his words were beautiful but never fully understood their depth until I went though this journey myself. This is exactly what it feels like.

I have learned through trials and tribulations that the best way to keep your sanity and smile through it all is surprises. I love to surprise my kids. I do this so often that when I pick them up from school, they will ask me, in front of judging adults, "Mom, do you have a surprise for us?" I know you think I spoil my kids. But I do not. You are not in my house each day and you don't know our family. What you don't know is that my kids have to keep their rooms clean. They clean them almost everyday and they are punished when they don't clean up. They are learning about life through conversations about stereotyping, friendship and bullies. I explain to them when mommy makes a mistake and how its okay when they make one too.

Their childhood is fleeting.

Each day they are a little older then they were yesterday and I only have so many days, minutes and seconds to prepare them for life and help them believe in magic. The timer started the day they were born. I want them to be strong and independent and not too scared to have a little fun. Reality isn't sweet or kind or forgiving and they have begun learning the rules of life and will continue to do so. So for now, I want to add that magic and spark that will all too soon be gone.

So yes, I do surprise my kids a lot.

I pick them up from school and when I hear that phrase that make me scrunch my face and curl my toes a bit out of the judgment of others and I remember that these days won't last forever.

"Yes, baby," I respond. " I've got your favorite slushes in the car!"

"Yes, sweet girls, I went to the store and picked you each up a new pair of PJs'!"

"Yes my angles, tomorrow is going to be a mommy-daughter day."

They light up in a way that reminds me how much I used to love surprises as a child. They have plenty of time later in life to be dwindled down by the day in and day out. If I can add a little magic and excitement to their childhood today then I will do that. I will lay on the driveway and let them outline my body in chalk then color it in pink because that is their favorite color right now. I will take old planters and turn them into fairy houses to place in the back yard so our fairies in the trees can have a place to live. I will have pancake night and movie night. I will let them play dress up on me and brush my hair because one day they won't be so willing to give me so much of their time. One day they won't say, "Mommy, do you have a surprise for me?" One day they won't ask, "Mommy, will you lay in bed with me?"

One day they will live miles away in some place like Ohio and care about school, and work and vacations with their girlfriends. One day, I won't be woken up at 3am because a little monkey wants to just snuggle and kick me for 3 more hours. One day will happen faster than my heart is prepared for. And one day Jeff and I will finally have time for Paris and Hawaii and late Saturday mornings, but we'll probably just retire in Ohio. Who needs Hawaii anyway?

juice, the other white meat.

So one night my husband and I couldn't' find anything on TV. So we searched Netflix and after a few minutes of bantering back and forth, we found Fat Sick and nearly dead. This changed the entire way we look at food. We knew we had to do something and were motivated to start our new year with a new attitude about eating. I am southern and Baptist and we have a saying down here that Baptist eat first then pray second. Food is our religion. We love it. I love it. And the thought of giving it all up and changing how I eat has been terrifying for years. When I became pregnant for the first time, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was sent to a nutritionist and put on a special diet. I was miserable! I cheated, a lot and really got a glimpse into what it must be like for someone with a diet or food issue. It's really hard! And even during that time I knew I needed to change my eating habits. But I kept on and kept on pursuing bad habits. I have always been skinny so I never really had to diet. But being skinny isn't the same as being healthy. In fact when I decided to begin this challenge people actually said to me, "Why are you going on a juice fast, you're skinny."

For me, this wasn't about losing weight but about FEELING better! How many days do we drag around wishing we were still in bed? We wake up achy and tired and go to bed achy and tired. This isn't normal! STOP thinking this is normal and you are just getting old. Remember the old saying, "You are what you eat!" And I am sick of being a greasy cheeseburger!

So...Here was my week!

Day 1: I'm starving! Seriously, I poured out a can of spaghetti O's for my daughters and I wanted to lick the can! I also can't sit around thinking about it so I have cleaned out bedrooms, picked up toys and cleaned toilets. Today I want a buffalo chicken sandwich with fries. Jeff isn't doing too well. He's been chocking down the juice and sleeping. He wants to murder me.

Day 2: Last night Jeff and I discussed how much we relate eating to our emotions. Today is our first day back to work after the winter break and we were both already feeling the stress. It was SO hard to not order a pizza last night, but we didn't and life goes on! I didn't feel hungry when I woke up and I didn't sleep well last night either. I have heard insomnia can be a side effect. I had an apple juice today and it was amazing. I am never buying store bought again!

Day 3- I feel terrible, headache and exhaustion. Jeff and I both are having a hard time trying to remember why we did this. I want fajitas! I have to keep reminding myself that once this is over it will be so much easier to move into a plant based diet. I can do this. I can do this! Only 2 more days!

Day 4: I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I had a headache, body aches and just felt terrible. I juiced and suffered through the morning then took a nap during my lunch break. After my nap, I felt a lot better. I am waiting for this 'amazing' feeling to kick in! Today I want sushi so maybe that's a good sign. You will also urinate a ton during this. Which I hate because I hate getting out of bed at night! But I'm hanging in there. I keep thinking, I need to be healthy and while my children are still young (3 and 4) I need to get them on the healthy train!

Day 5: Today I don't feel so bad. I woke up in the middle of the night (to pee) and I felt awesome. I was tired but I felt good, like younger. I remember what it felt like to not be exhausted all the time and achy and just give out. I remember that feeling and for just about 10 seconds in the middle of the night, I felt it! This is our last day so I had my hot water/lemon first then my breakfast juice. Around 1pm I caved and ate a spoonful of peanut butter, which I normally hate. Like, I really hate peanut butter unless its in chocolate. My husband has stuck his finger in it before then smeared it on my face because I hate it that much. And after 4 days of nothing but juice, it was the most amazing bite of my life. My taste buds have changed if I can eat this. No idea why this is what my body is telling me to eat but it was really good and after a few more spoonfuls, directly out of the jar, I was good and made another juice! My husband and I went on a date this night to celebrate and we couldn't eat much! To-go boxes were stuffed! But it was really amazing!

Movies to watch during your juicing week-

Fat, sick and nearly dead

Fat, sick and nearly dead 2

And if you are really brave-Vegucated and Food Inc

Things I learned this week- I really tie my emotions to food and I never knew that. I have this instinctive craving and hunger during stressful periods and the late afternoon. Each day around 2:30 I just crash. This is normally the time I would reach for a snack- chips, candy, soda, etc.
Food is everywhere! And we live in a society that constantly throws it in your face. You don't realize it each day, its just your normalcy. But once you go on a fast, you realize so many things about the food industry that is so messed up!
About every 3rd commercial is food based and its food that isn't good for you. Why can't we have commercials that show how sexy carrots are?
I can smell things I never smelled before. The girls were eating Ritz crackers and I could smell them, from like the other side of the room.
I never knew my body could do this. Each day I wake up surprised that I am not dead.
I can't remember conversations or where I placed things. I have to really re-trace my steps and think. That is really scary to me that cleansing my body is affecting my brain this much (in a good way)!
I am becoming much calmer and patient with everyone. Either I am a really impatient person and this is helping, or having all that junk in my body was causing stress and anxiety in my life. Weird.
Your body tells you what it needs if you just listen. I have never listened to my body before, but I knew when I wanted water, when I wanted a nap and when I wanted peanut butter!
My husband and I are both really reliant on caffeine. We are coffee and coke people and we really feel that this helped us be able to do without those things now.
We both had more energy in the evening this week. We didn't binge on the couch as much and actually spent time with our kids, reading books, playing, talking, etc.

I am also really lucky in the fact that I have a partner that totally support this crazy idea. I know many people out there don't and I am so very thankful. I wouldn't be able to do this if everyone around me were eating cheeseburgers. You really need to have a support system in place to complete a juicing fast. Which brings me to my next point, kids. I have 2 and they still need to eat. That was difficult during this week. I still made grilled cheeses, chicken soup and waffles. I didn't try a bite, I just made food and served food and tried not to think. It was hard at first but got easier. And by the end of the week, I felt terrible that I was drinking healthy juice and my kids were scarfing down processed junk..but that is another show.

Update- I still drink juice daily. I really like it. I feel better and healthier. I also grocery shopped for lots of fruits and veggies and got the girls to eat their first soy dog! YAY me! I haven't had caffeine or much sugar. I haven't eaten meat since Friday Jan, 2. I don't miss any of these things. It feels really good to put really good food into your body. I knew going into this that my ultimate goal was to eat better and that taking these extreme measures was probably my last hope. I feel better, lost about 3 pounds (Jeff lost 7) and know I will have days where I slip and eat candy but I think the ultimate goal of living a better life will always come out on top!